Looking back on the past 2 years, little by little I see how much I have changed. Looking at the period before that, I feel compassion for myself: how could I have lived so many years in such suffering, full of ignorance, greed, anger and delusion, always carrying 1 mountain of rubbish on my body. 2 years… only 2 years, yet it feels like 20 years, and also like only 2 days or 2 months, because I have changed so much. Little by little, I remove each piece of rubbish from the life of oneself.
Piece of trash 1: Negative emotional trash.
I am 1 rather hot-tempered person who used to shout loudly at my husband and children, and sometimes even argue fiercely with my older brother and parents, always wanting to win. At work I was always resentful of my boss, saw my boss as a thorn in my side, and thought my boss was less intelligent than me. Then I realized that my inner world was so chaotic that my outer world was too. I had so many patterns of inferiority, a self-important ego, and a desire to be acknowledged, embraced, loved, comforted, and the center of everyone's attention. By working extensively with angels number 2-3-6-7… I gradually purified these things. It has been a very long time since I last got carried away in arguments with loved ones or others. As I turned inward to embrace, love, and acknowledge myself, I no longer clung to these things from outside. I built 1 source of inner strength for myself, lived harmoniously like flowing water, and was no longer weighed down by those submerged parts of the iceberg. I felt my heart's vibrational frequency grow stronger toward others. Instead of resentful, blaming words, my speech became fuller of love.
I know I still need to clear away much more inner trash, but right now I am moved by the reality that there are pieces of it I am gradually able to let go of.
Piece of trash 2: Purifying patterns related to infidelity.
I used to struggle in anguish, wondering why I had ended up in this situation. I blamed my husband, then blamed myself for behaving unethically. But as I went deeper and deeper, I understood. I no longer blamed myself or my husband. I thanked those lifetimes and lessons for helping me realize and gradually purify things. Now I live peacefully in my current relationship. The 2 of us trust each other completely and no longer need to control each other as much as before.
Example 1: My husband and I do not worry much about how much each of us earns per month. The 2 of us plan our children's education over 5 years, considering the older and younger child, and the 2 of us contribute to 1 account called the education account for our 2 children. Each month, I withdraw from it to pay for our 2 children's schooling. The money the 2 of us earn is divided into a shared household and grocery fund, while the 2 of us each have our own personal spending from the remainder. I trust his use of money completely, and my energy seems to have reached him. At some point, he naturally became proactive and comfortable, often spending extra on me without the irritation he used to feel (as though a wife legitimately ‘robs’ her husband's money—very frustrating, but he can do nothing about it).
Example 2: My husband and I comfortably embrace and kiss each other lightly on the lips in front of our children. Because this energy is truly innocent, our children beam and run over asking Mom and Dad to kiss them too (rather than the artificial kind of energy that would make them say, ‘Ew, gross’).
Since I officially “allowed him to lead so I could be a woman in the true sense,” I have barely had to do anything (he helps our child study and handles school drop-offs and pick-ups; on days when he cannot, he asks me very politely, instead of taking it for granted that taking our child to school or helping with homework is my job, as he used to). He plays with our child more, is gentler, more understanding, and much more patient, and does 90% of the housework. I have practically become 1 lazy mother, 1 lazy wife, yet he “loves” me more and more, even though I am even less put-together than before and do not earn as much as I used to (while spending more because I am starting a business).
He also admitted that he had changed a great deal for the better.
Piece of trash 3: The mother-in-law–daughter-in-law relationship
After the “Ancestral Healing” course, I became profoundly, profoundly harmonious with my parents, older brother and entire extended family. Within me there was only 1 feeling of love for everyone. Standing before my grandparents' graves, my eyes welled up, and just 1 sentence—“You are still in my heart”—brought me to tears.
With my husband's family, it is even clearer. I no longer want to act superior toward my parents-in-law or prove anything. I return to my own true nature and sincerely love them and everyone else. I resonate with children's frequency—how happy they are when held in their parents' arms. I accept people as they are, without considering myself above anyone. I respect everyone and the paths they walk. I share this with my children so they understand the flow of the family lineage.
For example, when my daughter asks: Mom, if we cut down the tree, will it die?
I replied: When we cut down a tree, its roots remain, my child, and new shoots will grow from the very place it was cut. Just like you and me. If 1 day I die and am no longer beside you, you are my new shoot, just as I am your grandparents' new shoot. It continues like that, generation after generation, and the roots are the grandparents and ancestors whose legacy we inherit.
Then you asked: What if people pull up the entire root system—how can a sapling grow again?
Do you know, trees are wonderful: when the ground has enough nutrients, roots grow very strongly; trees even “shake hands” and communicate, spreading very far and wide underground. The roots of that big tree may be pulled up, but secondary roots that stretch very, very far can sprout new saplings somewhere, in some neighborhood or street, inheriting the essence of the main root system. Just like you: later you may live in another province or country, but you always belong to our family, and you will have your own “young roots” based on our family's great root system. Now do you understand why Mom is always in your heart, or your grandparents are always within you?
– Daughter: I understand, Mom. So I just need to always be grateful to my grandparents and ancestors, because thanks to them I am here, right? At Great-Grandparent's death anniversary, I only need to say: I am grateful to you for bringing me into this world; you are always in my heart.
Hearing my daughter say that, all I could do was hug her with tears in my eyes, because I was helping her understand the truth appropriately.
Piece of trash 4: Self-reflection.
This piece is quite important because it helps me understand myself more deeply: why I encounter something or someone. Instead of simply blaming the other person, I turn inward to work with myself. It has helped me become someone who listens more instead of talking endlessly. I am more humble. I am more transparent.
Perhaps the mind shapes appearance, because lately everyone keeps saying I look young. Wherever I go with children around, instead of being shy as before, they now embrace and play with me. I notice I attract children: even 1 newborn who knows nothing smiles whenever seeing me. I understand my soul has become purer.
Piece of trash 5: Gluttony
After completing the “4-Dimensional Body–Mind Purification” course, I truly stopped being a greedy pig. I found myself calmer around food, no longer lighting up at the sight of everything and constantly craving it. This also helped me correct my eating habits: eating more slowly, appreciating food better, and leaving my intestines cleaner, curing my long-standing constipation.
There is much more “rubbish” I cannot list in full. I only know I am improving each day; whatever I do, think, or eat, I bring it back to mindfulness. My family is happier and more united. Although my biggest concern now is work, where there is still much karma to cleanse, I understand this because my mission is clearer and I understand myself better.
Little by little, I walk steadily along the path of fulfillment, practicing as a householder. I am grateful to myself for always keeping an open heart to new things, and grateful that I wisely chose 1 lifetime that is not too difficult, so I can walk the path of spiritual practice with peace of mind. I am grateful to have chosen the right Teacher to guide me along the middle way. And from my heart, I have always wanted to accompany other souls so we can guide one another on this path. I have let go of quite a lot of rubbish, but I know there is still much along this path for me to pick up and purify in peace.
Sending wishes to myself—a version in 2024 and 2025 that will be more fulfilled.
(The personal reflections of a SoulCoach 2023 student who continued into Year 3 of the program and is still following the path of initiation, the path of evolution, the path of true happiness and true harmony)
